Somehow life seems to stop when giving birth, as if there is nothing anymore to do or worry about except for baby.
The usual distractions for example, sport results, book chapters, daily runs, celebrity news, social interchange of texts, blogs, Facebook posts, favourite TV shows, baking, cooking, exercise appear like a thing of yesterday , worse still they become annoying and fondness for them disappears, as they don’t seem to make sense anymore when a baby screams at you.
The author of Buddhism for Mothers writes that mothers are given loads of advice on nurturing children, rarely on nurturing themselves. But also feel like confined, isolated, nervous, tired and bored.
She also writes that as mothers we all have experienced long, lonely days at home struggling to break the repetititve nature of the daily routine, sleep deprivation and negative thoughts. She says that these experiences make all mothers more compassionate towards mothers who are going through it.
Children's Hospital at Stanford writes the postpartum period begins after the delivery of the baby and ends when the mother's body has returned as closely as possible to its pre-pregnant state.
So how can new mothers reprioritise their life without completely giving oneself over to baby and manage to reach eventually the pre-pregnant state again?
In New Zealand the babies get a Tamariki Ora book which guides baby through baby's milestones over five official appointments over a 12 week period following birth.
New mothers hear, listen and read so much about milestone about baby when new mothers are in as much need for milestones while re-prioritising their minds and trying to become more relaxed.
New mothers could be issued a wellbeing book like a Tamariki Ora book, too. It could be called a Whaea Ora book and go something like this.
Milestones between 1-4 weeks of giving birth:
Hemorrhoids retreat
Manages to sleep through one night once a week
Gets out once a day
Talks about latest mobile apps to a friend
Completes online news quiz
Finds out latest gossip
Finds out the #1 song, album
Stops speaking in half sentences and being aware it's normal
Brushes teeth at least once a day
Brushes hair once a day
Becomes comfortable with breastfeeding or bottle feeding sans public pressure
Milestones between 4-8 weeks
Puts on nice undies
Stops saying "I don't know" or "Not sure" twenty times a day
Uses new apps
Writes five non baby fears, ideas and goals
Finds a cool book review because they will never be enough time to read an entire one
Reads an international magazine/ newspaper online
Breath starting to smell better
Has a positive self image with these new jugs
Embraces pregnancy weight
Milestones between 8- ...weeks
Organisational skills return
Enters a sport event or buy ticket to a show or concert
Goes to a public event/ show
Social graces smoothen out as your hormones go back to normal levels
Gives partner skin on skin
Head stops hurting
There could be a section with boxes to tick, and space for stickers. For example, catching up with friend over coffee. This deserves a sticker! For a run deserving two stickers, a swim deserving three!And meeting with a new mother who only just met, four stickers and loads of kisses.
Then there can be reminders about joining a parents group, a playgroup, an online forum.
There can be a page signed off by a GP, partner, nurse or Plunket who reaffirm and say "yes, seems normal self","yes, seems normal self, "yes, seems normal.
At the bottom a total score is then stamped with "successfully reprioritised her life",deserving this time of five stickers, with one specifically big one for the hand, printed "WOW" and inadvertently spells "MOM" upside down symbolising that the new mum has graduated as a parent!
Featured also a page for comments and helpful advice from friends and photos of dwindling pregnancy weight, E cup jugs and increasing buns of steel to remind in later years when revisiting these pages what a sexy mum one was.
The Whaea Ora Book would stem the flow of guilt, insecurities, depression, exhaustion and perhaps bring forth a more self-secure, well-adjusted new mum, especially that of twins.
